Never Here

You were there

Close, warm, and there

You gazed right into me

You lavished me

I sensed you

You were there

And then…

You were not

I woke up

My heart cried

My arms felt worthless

My eyes wished blindness

A dream

I woke up and dove into reality

You were a dream

Consciousness spoke to me

Screamed at me

Shook me until I lost every drop of warmth you gave

Naturally

Of course

Your existence could not have been real

My rhetoric knew of it

Denial always won though

I shall never fall back into that hole

That dream… that nightmare

You are not real

Love, you were never here

Them... and I

Caught in a place

In mid air

I took the punches, I swallowed the blames

I rolled around as they kicked my existence

They stabbed me with their words

They drowned me with their hatred

They squeezed my heart for the juices of their joy

They kicked my all with forces of their hell

I flew in the air

I felt the pain

I saw the dark

I froze

In mid air

This is the moment

This shall be it

The moment where all pains swim in a pond

The second where all doubts smash on certainty

The instant when you fold in the darkest hole

In mid air

I took the beating

I took it all

I lost my voice

I fell into silence

I crushed into the surface

I did not bleed

They killed me

They left

.

.

.

.

.

They walked away

They left a memories-lavished trace

Step

Step

Steps

They gathered their waters and walked away

I left the floor

I shook to stand

I shivered aggressively

Pain

I felt the knife

Its sharpest teeth rattled my insides

I thrust it out

I never bled

I forgot my sound

A passage

Step

Step

Shadows… them.

They glared and boggled

I gave them their knife

I walked away

I Mourn

I mourn my tree,

A friend,

Her laugh,

Loss,

Faith,

Trust,

Life,

Love,

The rain,

A smile,

Delicacy,

Potency,

Empathy,

Harmony,

Audacity,

Tranquility,

Security,

Responsibility,

Maturity,

Amnesty,

Creativity,

Mentality,

Authenticity,

Altruism,

Vehemence,

Revelation,

Courage,

Wishing well,

Health,

Infinity.

I mourn, I mourn, and yet I mourn endlessly.

Oh mourning, I set you free.

I sigh,

I smile.

A Poem and some more thoughts

Change

Who I am is far away from who I were

Uncertainty is what I face when I come to question now and then

Am I the variable or are those faces I see in constant change

How shall I proceed?

Shall I fight alterations and become what I’ve forgotten once again?

Shall I inhale this alien and let it be the forever me?

I choose to be not who I am today

For change will always seep into me

The dirt I’ll release..

The pain’ll be deceased..

The right is when this essence of mine is at ease..

I shall not be a remorseful soul in lament of what was yesterday

I accept that change will come.. I accept it’s only for the best..

As for the rest.. for the people whose souls I’ve wounded

For that I shall regret forgetting the right from the left

I serve you my tears on a platter of pardon

I am at the deepest of sorrow for being the reason of your distress

I shall embrace this change.. I shall wish you nothing less

I shall make it a divine epiphany of what life’s all about..

I am not who I were yesterday..

I am not who I am this very day..

I am the child of righteous change..

I am the soul of just resolution..

____________________

Some more thoughts brought to you by the magnifique mind of mine..

-You can’t be cute and sexy. You’re either cute or sexy! Make your minds up people!

- Summer is always fun. Dusty summers however, not so much. NO. NOT AT ALL!

-Summer course starts this upcoming Sunday.

-Why do people in Kuwait stare?! Just a simple question y3ni. It’s so annoying when you’re minding your own business and you get constant stares. Y3ni n3m?

-A thirteen year old boy, as I guessed, walked by my side and sang to me. Yes, he was flirting. I’m speechless. WTH people?! WTH?!!!

-Latest Habba: Scared of lonely, by Beyonce.

What's on your oh-so-sexy minds? (SEE! "Sexy" not "sexy AND cute".)